Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The Mad Poetess' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 5th, 2012
5:04 am	I'm done! I'm just done..with people, with all of it! I'm so sick and bloody tired of offering people everything I have to give, and then having them turn around and spit on me for no bloody reason at all. i'm just...I'm out..I'm done. I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm sick of everything I try to do blow up in my face..so yeah..that's it. Good night. Current Mood: infuriated (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2011
12:31 pm	Fuck my life   Yeah, that's it. I think I'm just done. I'm just tired of everything..I don't want to deal with anything more. Yeah, I know. These posts are somewhat whiny, but seeing as you can't post anything on Facebook without a whole bunch of people telling you to get over it, who don't even know the fucking situation. this is really the only place I have to vent, so that's what I'm doing. Yeah, so off I go. I...just can't anymore. I'm sorry. I'm just...done. I'm out. Whoever want s to find me, I'll be..somewhere. Liz Current Mood: crappy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
11:24 pm	yeah Why do I continuously do this to myself? am I really that much of an emotional masochist? Maybe it really is time to create some distance between myself and the rest of the world. Not just so that I don't hurt anyone else, but so it can't hurt me anymore. I've been getting hurt quite a bit recently, and I'm a bit tired of it now. Maybe it really is time for me to fade away and disappear. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Current Mood: crushed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
6:56 am	well, yeah Geez, I really thought I was over this by now. Here is really the only place I can post what I'm feeling, and not get jumped on by twenty other people who don't really have any idea what the fuck's going on. I'm getting very tired of facebook. It seems I've caught myself in a very complicated situation. I find myself feeling a certain way that I definitely should NOT be feeling. Just rather sad, depressed, and lonely. Trouble is, I don't know what to do about it. Yeah, everyone can say, well, just pull yourself out of it. Yeah, thanks; I hadn't figured that much out on my own. I know I need to pull myself out of this. Problem is, I don't know how. I'm feeling lonely; I haven't dated anyone really since my most recent ex. That was several years ago. It's like I can't seem to connect with anyone. Am I that much of a freak? Really? That there really is no one out there for me? I'm sorry for the emo tone of this entry, but all of this has been weighing pretty heavily on me, and this place is the only place where I can vent freely. I see everyone else finding love; when the hell does it get to be my turn? I'm gonna call Rachael tonight, she always makes me feel better. Yeah; time to start the day.. Off I go. Whee. Maybe it really is time for me to go crawl back into my corner. Those who really wish to find me, no doubt you will. I'm always here. Off to fade away..into the dark.. Missharley Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Monday, June 20th, 2011
12:03 pm	same old song and dance Wow, it has been a long damn time. I wish I could say things are vastly different, but they're not. School seems to be going well, however, I still need to find a job. Anybody know of anything? I find myself becoming quite frustrated with facebook. It always seems anything I say creates a backlash, so I've learned to keep my mouth shut. At least here I can say what I want, when I want to. My journal, so if you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. Everything is just pretty much blah here. I find myself worried about a couple of friends who are going through some difficult times. Hah! What else is new? Beyond that, nothing much going on. Just thought I'd pop on here, and let all my lj friends that I am indeed still alive. Din't fall off the face of the planet or anything dramatic. Hope everyone is doing well, and we'll all talk soon enough in our own times. Hey Mel!! How the hell are ya? Been far too long! Liz Current Mood: blah (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
11:39 pm	Happy times Yay!!! I'm back at school, and really glad to be back at it too. I can't believe how much I've missed it. Yeah, that's all I have. Good night all, and be safe my friends. Love, lizzy Current Mood: cheerful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
8:26 am	well now I have had this song in my head for the past three days. Not that I mind, it's a good song. It's just been running through my head practically non-stop. "Black Hole sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain." Maybe because my mood has been faintly apocalyptic of late. Not really sure why, just a feeling in the air, I guess. Hope you're all well. Talk to everybody soon. Lizzy Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
5:47 am	thought for the day "Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn." Indeed. Sometimes I think that might not be such a bad idea. Current Mood: gloomy (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 9th, 2010
10:15 am	Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage Coffee is good, especially since my insomnia has returned with a vengeance. That's all right, but I hope it stops when my classes start. Or maybe not. It could be useful, if I'm going to start pulling all-nighters again. Once again, I have to play the role of advice-giver. This time to a very good friend of mine who's thinking of leaving her significant other. Only trouble is, besides the obvious, is that there's a child involved. That complicates things a bit. I really hope I haven't lost my touch with these situations. I don't think I've steered too many people wrong. Or if I have, they've never told me. Beyond that tiny bit of drama, not much going on. Just the fact that I don't like snow very much. Especially when the temperature drops and becomes ice. I hope everyone is doing well. Talk to you all in our own times. Love, Lizzy Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 7th, 2010
8:32 am	Well.. It didn't snow as much as I thought it would, but I don't think it's done yet. That's all right. I got the books I needed, so that's all that's important. They also didn't cost me nearly as much as I thought they would, so that's a big bonus. Good thing, that, because my mom's birthday is in a few days so I need to get her a present. My sister and I are taking her out for her birthday as well. Thank you, Frances, for that cheery thought on the snow! :) How are you and your family? Thanks Carl as well. You do know my taste in music, don't you? Don't really have anything else to add right now, so I guess I'll talk to everyone later. Be good, everybody. Or if you can't be good, don't get caught. I'm all out of bail money. Love everybody, Lizzy Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
9:44 am	Meh Snow, snow, snow. No more snow! The newspaper says we're supposed to get six to nine inches today. No, no, nooo!!!! Meh. I was going to get my books today, but maybe I'll put it off until tomorrow. I'm really hoping I can get them used. I really don't want to pay full price if I can help it. I also found out recently that my old buddy from high school, Liz Cathon, will be attending classes as well. Awesome! This should be interesting. Wondering already what kind of havoc we can wreak..: I don't really have anything else right now, so I guess I'll go and get some more caffeine. If I have anything else to add later, I guess I'll add it..later. That sounded a whole lot better in my head. Okay, off I go. Talk to you all later. Lizzy Current Mood: devious (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
8:52 am	Finally!! I finally managed to get registered for classes, so that's over and done with. I'm fairly excited about returning to school. I like school, and I like the atmosphere of it. I still have to get books, but I have time to do that. I'm hopefully going to be able to buy them used. That should save some money. I can hope, at least. I'm looking forward to this. Other than that, things are pretty much the same. Getting tired of the frigid weather, but living here, it's to be expected. Having a bit of a struggle getting the hot water in my shower going in the morning. Yay for that. Cold showers when it's 7 degrees outside. Yeah, not so much, I'm thinking. That's about all I can think of to write about, so I guess I'll be off. Stay warm, everybody. Lizzy Current Mood: excited (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 4th, 2010
8:46 am	Sheesh!! Why do schools have to make online registration such a huge pain in the ass?!? First, they tell me that my password is invalid, now they they tell me that the account has been disabled. What next? I just want to register for my classes. Is that too much to bloody ask?!? *growlgrowlgrowlgrowl* Okay..I'm done growling now. Off to go try again. Not how I wanted to spend my morning. Anybody got a sedative handy? Lizzy Current Mood: aggravated (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
9:20 am	heh Wow. It has been a seriously long time since I've written in this thing. However, seeing things are going the way they are, I guess it's time for me to start up again. For those in our studio audience who don't know, i'm no longer with my boyfriend of four years, Tim. Yes, I still love him, but things just weren't working out. Maybe they will someday, who knows? I'm going back to school. I'm indeed looking forward to that. It's something I've desperately needed. My sister has gotten re-married. Her husband treats her like gold, and she seems truly happy. It's about time. Apart from that, I'm back to my old tricks. Feeling confused about a lot of things. Not sure which direction I really want to take things. everything lately just seems really chaotic. I've made some decisions, and I hope they're the right ones. Time will tell, I suppose. Still feeling kind of lonely. I have managed to get back in touch with a couple of old friends. I've spent some time hanging out with them, so that's helped a little. Being the kind of personality I am, it's hard for me to get over things, but I'm trying. It's all I can do. I just wish it didn't take so long, or hurt so much. But, meh. What are you gonna do? I'm going to try and update this thing more often. Let's see if that's one New year's resolution I can actually keep. :) Hope all of my friends are healthy and happy. I love and miss you all. missharley Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 7th, 2009
10:47 am	Hello I don't know if anyone else has heard about this, but David Carridine of Kung-Fu and Kill Bill fame, has died at the age of 72. I really liked this actor, and I'm feeling quite sad that he is gone. I'm just hoping 2009 doesn't turn out to be another 2008. I don't need another one of those. Hope everyone is well. Be safe, my friends. I love you all. Missharley Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Monday, May 4th, 2009
1:21 pm	hopelessly devoted to you Grease was on the other day. I like that movie, and I've always liked that song. Now, for some reason, hearing it is...painful. I think I know the reason why, I'm just not ready to admit it. To myself, or to anyone else. You'd think I'd be over this by now. Such is life. Eh..Whatever. I can't wait to be away from here. Away from all this, so I don't have to feel this way anymore. So it doesn't have to hurt, at least, not as much. Christ. I'm an idiot. I really am. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
1:51 pm	Writer's Block: Things You Don't Want to Know If you knew that a friend's significant other was cheating on him or her, would you tell your friend the truth or keep it to yourself? View 506 Answers Probably keep it to myself. Unfortunately, I've been down this road before. Liz (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
8:44 am	Writer's Block: Take Your Chances Do you think people deserve second chances? Submitted By drea12301994 View 503 Answers Depends on the circumstances. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 20th, 2009
8:41 am	What's the freakin' point? I hate myself. I hate my life. Someone please kill me. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
12:23 am	Not this again. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't allow myself to feel this way anymore. And yet, it's happened..again. I've allowed someone to break my heart. I've tried to bury it, to keep it to myself, but I just can't. The only place I can really talk about it is on here. One-sided love really sucks. To realize that you're completely in love with someone, and knowing that they don't love you back. I don't think there's a worse feeling in the world. I'm also sick of lying to myself, and of lying to everybody else. No, I don't want anyone's sympathy, I don't want people to try to comfort me, I certainly don't want people taking sides. This is just me venting about how I feel. I feel absolutely sick, right now. I know part of it is me over-thinking things as usual. But sometimes I just can't help it. I don't even know why it happens. I wish it didn't, but I don't know how to stop it. I want a time machine. I want to put everything back the way it was. I want to change some of the decisions I had made. I know, I know. If wishes were horses... I really think I just need to be away from all of this..from everything, from everyone. I feel like this eating me from the inside out. I just feel so..hollow. School is a distraction, of course. I'm trying to just lose myself in that. But, it doesn't work all the time. I wish I was nine years old again. Wasn't nine a great age? No worries, no cares. Life just seemed so much simpler back then. All the big problems belonged to the grown-ups. I don't want to be a grown-up. I'm too young to be a grown-up. It's no fun. Plus, there's always financial stresses. However, I believe they plague everyone, so I know that at least I'm not alone there. I don't know of anyone who hasn't been feeling the pinch lately. A big part of me just wants to go crawl into a hole and hide for the next hundred years. Maybe I was better off just never letting anyone near me. Maybe it's time to just close off, shut down. Say fuck all of this, because there just doesn't seem to be a point to...anything. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to feel anything anymore. To just feel...numb. To add to all of this, my mom collapsed last week. Her doctors still don't know what caused it. She's scheduled for a stress test on April 1. Yes, we were all struck by the irony. Maybe that's what brought all this to the surface. I really can't say. Not that it matters, anyway. I just...I don't want to care anymore. All it ends up doing is hurting me. Plus, whenever I try to help or make things better, it blows up in my face. So I guess I'll just say, Fuck everything. I'll just be apathetic. I don't give a damn. Screw it. Yeah, that's the solution. I'm sick of feeling so goddamned guilty all the time for feeling a certain way. It's like I don't feel that I'm allowed to feel the way I do because of how it might affect other people. I feel like if I actually tell people how I'm feeling I'm the one that's being selfish. Then I end up feeling guilty, and it just exacerbates everything. I'm just tired of all of this. On a positive note, much fun was had Wednesday. Field Museum, dim sum, and pub goodness was had. Oh also, watching Torchwood is always a good thing. I love that show. I heart John Barrowman. Too bad he's gay. Oh well. Doesn't stop him from being sexy as hell. And he's from Chicago. Doesn't get any better than that. I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I don't want to feel anything. It hurts too much. This feeling that I'm being replaced, completely phased out, like I just don't matter to anybody...True or not, I'm sick of feeling like it is. I try to cheer myself up, and it feels brittle and false. Eh, whatever. Fuck it, fuck everything. It's not like anyone cares anyway. If anyone wants to talk to me, I'm easy to find. I'm in the same place I've always been. I love you all, and I guess I'll talk to you guys whenever. To quote probably the only 90's teen movie I liked, "10 things I hate about you", "most of all, I hate the fact that I don't hate you at all." Such is life, right? What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I allow things to affect me this way? Maybe I just don't deserve any better. Yeah, that's probably it. Take care, all. Lizzy   Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)